The Pressure to Know What You Want

I was just reading one of my favorite blogs, Stuff Christians Like, when I realized I needed to get something written. The blog was about "I am _______, but_________." Meaning I am doing something with my life now, but it isn't what I really want to be doing. It is not my intention to go into what that means for me. My thoughts actually turned to my son.

My son just started 10th grade about a month ago. He is taking a couple of classes at the high school in the morning and then going to a career center in the afternoons to eventually learn a trade. It had not been our intention prior to this Spring for him to attend the career center, but he was allowed to apply and was accepted. Our intent has been that he will attend college. It still is our intent, but we feel that it can only help him to learn a trade also.

I am learning as the days go by that high school is a high-pressure environment. Get ready to take the ACT. Decide now what course of study you want to pursue and what field you want to work in.

I am feeling stressed.

Years ago my son asked me what he should be when he gets older, and I responded that I wanted him to be whatever God wanted him to be. His response to that was "You want me to be a pastor?!" I laughed then and I still think it is humorous.

The thing is that I found my thinking on that starting to change. I began thinking that we need to really knuckle down and get all those classes in to make him a sterling college candidate. We only have three years to get him ready for life.

Yes, we do need to get him ready for life. But his life is ultimately in the hands of a gracious and loving God. We need to seek His wisdom on how to proceed and help our son develop into the man God wants him to be, not what we want him to be.

It is so easy to get caught up in keeping up with society. Having the wonderful degree, owning the right accessories (iPod, cell phone, big screen TV), going on the foreign vacations, living in the nice houses, etc. That is not what my focus should be, though.

I want to help my son discover who God created him to be. What are his gifts, what is his passion, what energizes him? If he is involved in something that involves those things, he will be on the right path.

A Joyful Noise

My car radio is usually tuned to one of two stations - Air1 (91.9 on your radio dial) or K-Love. I prefer Air1, but will switch it over to K-Love if I'm not thrilled about the song on Air1.

Sometimes I will sing along to the radio, but I really like it when my son sings along to a song. When he sings along, I realize that he IS hearing the good lyrics of the songs, and that pleases me greatly.

First, let me just say that I love my son very much. Secondly, let me say that he does not necessarily stay on key when he sings. It doesn't matter that he sings off key. I absolutely love to hear him sing. At least part of it is that I know he is internalizing what he is hearing and is letting it out, participating in the music.

The Bible says we are to make a joyful noise. So often I look around at church and notice that people are just standing there during the time for worship through music. I hope they are involved in the music and that their souls are being fed. Are they not singing, though, because they feel their voices are not good enough to share with others?

If I feel such joy when I hear my son sing, imagine the joy God feels when He hears His children sing. Even if they don't sing well or on key.

Ready, Set, Speak!

I like to think that I am a fairly open person, transparent if you will. But I'm not really. I am actually superficial. There is a lot going on inside me that only God and I know about. I need to work on sharing myself with others.

My husband often complains that I don't talk. My response usually is that I don't have anything to talk about. WRONG! What I should say is that I don't want to share my deepest thoughts with him, that I want to (as the British would say) keep myself to myself.

Yesterday when I was working at the library I happened to notice a young man (probably late teens or early twenties, very sweet looking) who was attending a magic program being presented. I'm pretty sure he has some kind of developmental disability. When I saw him, my heart pretty much just broke. Why? Because, but for the grace and kindness of a very loving Heavenly Father, that could have been my son sitting there.

When my son was about four years old, he was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. Pervasive Developmental Disorder is like a big umbrella under which are other diagnoses such as Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. My son had some autistic behaviors, but evidently not enough to make that diagnosis. He has received assistance through the school system and since that diagnosis has made incredible progress both academically and behaviorally. Incidentally, he no longer has some of those behaviors he exhibited as a child.

I have not yet shared the incident at the library with my husband. It really was not until this morning as I was praying that I processed my thoughts and feelings about it. I was convicted, though, about how little I share with my husband (and others) about what is really going on inside my heart and mind. I doubt it will be easy, but I must make more of an effort to go beyond the surface in my relationships.

On Exhibit

I like history and I like to go to museums and places like that. I do not feel the need to read every word of every display sign, though, so I don't think I've reached museum nerd level yet.

We have discovered the Kansas City branch of the United States Archives. It is located next to Union Station and if you are not paying attention, you can drive right past the entrance and miss it. I recommend finding it, though.

The first time we went was for the Deadly Medicine exhibit, which I have already written about. In June we went to see Mugged, a small exhibit on the history of Leavenworth Penitentiary and some of the prisoners there. Coming up is an exhibit featuring items loaned by the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum.

Admission and parking are free. There is a bookstore, which for me is always a bonus. The only thing missing is a squashed penny machine. Maybe I'll suggest it next time we go.

The Recovering Glutton

I have been overweight for most of my life. There were some times when I lost quite a bit of weight, only to gain it back and then some. One thing didn't change no matter what weight I was, though. I was worshipping food. I was a glutton. That is hard to admit, but there it is.

Sometime in April I was listening to Air1, the radio station I usually listen to in the car. The announcer was talking about how Jimmy Needham had been a guest at the radio station and that he had lost 50 pounds. She then mentioned the website of the program that had helped him. It was settingcaptivesfree.com. I remembered the website so I could check it out later.

I went to Setting Captives Free and looked at the program, called The Lord's Table. It consists of 60 daily devotions to do online. They provide a mentor to review the responses given in the lessons and to offer prayer and encouragement. It is also suggested to have at least one other accountability partner who receives your lesson responses by e-mail. To help the participants develop disciplined eating habits, a 60-day eating guide is also provided.

Every diet I have been on, the focus has been on food. This is not a diet. It is a plan to change allegiance from food to where it belongs - bringing glory to God.

I consider May 1st to be day I began my journey to freedom. I feel so much better, I have lost some weight, and I have hope that food will never be be my master again.

The most important thing about all this is that in my own flesh, none of this would have been possible. It is quite evident to me that it is only the Holy Spirit living inside me that has given me the strength to do this. All the praise goes to Him.

Am I the Answer?

As a follower of Jesus Christ, my desire is that everyone else will also have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I cannot force that on anyone, though. It must be a choice that each person makes for himself or herself.

There are people I love who do not have a personal relationship with Christ. I have friends who love people who do not know Christ. And many times we are the last people those we love will listen to when it comes to speaking about God. Why is this? I don't really know.

Knowing that those we love perhaps will respond better to someone else in their sphere of life, some of us have been praying that God will place godly people in our loved one's lives. How many times have I gladly received a bit of wisdom from someone outside my family, when my parents had told me that and I just ignored it? We have been praying that someone else, who has the respect and/or friendship of our loved ones will be heard where we cannot.

It was brought to my attention that there is a very good chance that I may be the answer to someone else's prayer on behalf of a loved one. Just like I don't personally know the person(s) I am asking God to send to my loved ones, the person who is asking that God sends me probably doesn't know me, either.

Will I step up to the plate and be an answer to someone's prayer? Are there people praying for my work associates, friends, and acquaintances - asking God that He will send someone to befriend them and influence them, to show the way to a relationship with Christ?

It's a scary thought, isn't it? Here's the reassuring part, for me, I think. God isn't asking me to be someone else and influence others in the way someone else would. He has given me gifts and a personality that are unique to me. As I am controlled by the Holy Spirit, I should just let Him do what He does best. I need to relax and be obedient.

Becoming a Part

If you are apart from something, it means you do not belong to it. If you are a part of something, it means you do belong to it. Have you ever stopped to think about what it takes to go from apart to a part? Or vice versa?

It's all about involvement and taking a step in the right direction, whichever direction is best. Sometimes taking steps away are best, especially when you are involved in something wrong or unhealthy, and that could be something others think is perfectly okay. But that is not what I am going to write about.

I am a fairly quiet person when people first meet me. When I first join a group, I don't necessarily jump right in and start introducing myself to everyone. It is for people like me that it is very helpful for groups (and I really mean churches) to have "get-to-know-us" type events. It helps to be with others who are also trying to acclimate themselves.

When my family first started attending Vineyard KC North, I did not know anyone that currently went there. I had been the AWANA leader years ago of a young woman who attended Vineyard, but she had since moved to Colorado, and I hadn't had contact with her for many years. My husband knew a married couple there, so he was doing better than I was.

Vineyard offers assimilation classes, Vineyard 101 and Vineyard 201. My husband and I attended Vineyard 101. Everything seemed to check out, so we continued on to Vineyard 201. Through the course of the two classes, we met some lovely people and learned a lot about the church and its mission to our community and world.

In the Fall, we decided to take the Alpha class so that our son would take it. The Alpha class answers some of the most basic questions about Christianity. We felt it would give our son a good foundation in his faith. We did learn, and we made even more friends.

As a result of taking the Vineyard 201 class, we felt that it would be a good idea to find a small group to join. But which one? Would they even want us? Would it be like so many churches, where everyone else already had their groups of friends and didn't really need or want to include me? I needn't have worried. At the end of Alpha it was announced that a couple were going to start a small group. If we were interested, we could sign up, which we did. We have a great group (and you can come join us if you want).

I was invited to start a small group of my own. I attended a small group of people interested in beginning small groups. I decided that I wanted my group to be a women's group, and with the help of others, that group started this past Friday.

Then Friday evening and Saturday morning my husband and I attended a class on How to Minister Like Jesus. I knew from the description it was going to focus on praying and ministering to other people, but I did not know until I got there that there would be "ministry time." My only other experience of that was during the Holy Spirit weekend at Alpha, and that was an uncomfortable time for me. I am very often fearful of that which I do not understand. Again, I needn't have worried. As I let the Holy Spirit work, I found myself going with the flow and actually looking forward to what He wanted to do. It was a very meaningful weekend.

So what does all of this have to do with being apart or a part? For me to make that transition, all I had to do was take the next step, and then the next step. Who but God knows what awaits, but I know that I can trust Him. He has given me courage all along the way to step out of my comfort zone again and again.

Come on! Take your shoes off and dip your toes in! Then keep going steadily. Become a part of what God is doing!