Ready, Set, Speak!

I like to think that I am a fairly open person, transparent if you will. But I'm not really. I am actually superficial. There is a lot going on inside me that only God and I know about. I need to work on sharing myself with others.

My husband often complains that I don't talk. My response usually is that I don't have anything to talk about. WRONG! What I should say is that I don't want to share my deepest thoughts with him, that I want to (as the British would say) keep myself to myself.

Yesterday when I was working at the library I happened to notice a young man (probably late teens or early twenties, very sweet looking) who was attending a magic program being presented. I'm pretty sure he has some kind of developmental disability. When I saw him, my heart pretty much just broke. Why? Because, but for the grace and kindness of a very loving Heavenly Father, that could have been my son sitting there.

When my son was about four years old, he was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified. Pervasive Developmental Disorder is like a big umbrella under which are other diagnoses such as Autism and Asperger's Syndrome. My son had some autistic behaviors, but evidently not enough to make that diagnosis. He has received assistance through the school system and since that diagnosis has made incredible progress both academically and behaviorally. Incidentally, he no longer has some of those behaviors he exhibited as a child.

I have not yet shared the incident at the library with my husband. It really was not until this morning as I was praying that I processed my thoughts and feelings about it. I was convicted, though, about how little I share with my husband (and others) about what is really going on inside my heart and mind. I doubt it will be easy, but I must make more of an effort to go beyond the surface in my relationships.